The Beach: The Deadpool Edition
by Dalek Prime
Summary: Ever wonder what would happen if our favorite merc with a mouth tagged along with Zuko and the gang when they went to Ember Island? well look no further! Explosions! Girls! and...Karaoke? all this and more when Wade comes to town! Maiko and Tyzula.
1. Part 1

A/n: I don't own Avatar: the last Airbender or Deadpool

The Beach: The Deadpool edition

Zuko, Mai, Ty-Lee and Azula were on board a ferry headed to a place called Ember Island, but not by choice. The teens had been sent their by the Firelord while he attended a meeting with his advisors for the weekend. Not only that, but Ozai also sent his new chief bodyguard Deadpool along to protect the children from harm as he said, actually it was because he blew up the palace's entire west wing in order to kill a single cockroach (which still survived)

The merc with a mouth was currently riding on the back of one turtle-seal's that were pulling the boat, while singing a song he called 'I'm on a turtle-seal'. Suddenly the beast bucked the mercenary off its back and sent him crashing back unto the boat. The kids however didn't feel affected by their protector's antics; they were pretty much used to it by now.

"Curse you, you species-confused abomination!" Wade exclaimed "I will end you're tyranny of a no free rides policy and-"

"Hush Wade" Azula said calmly

"But I was gonna go on a endless rant!" the gunman whined "can't I just-"

"No" the princess interrupted "you can ramble all you want while you're with my father when we return, am I clear?" the princess ordered

"Yes ma'am" the mercenary grunted

Even though Deadpool was Ozai's chief bodyguard, he honestly liked hanging out with the kids more than the hot-headed Firelord. Azula was always went along with Wilson's more than often cruel pranks on the other teens, the guards or innocent civilizes (those were the most fun) she also had the most control over the madman then her friends, most of the time.

Zuko and Mai were always so gloomy and emo all the time so Deadpool decided to always to bring them cheer through seemingly harmless pranks, like when he put hair dye in Mai's shampoo and made her hair turn green for a week, or when he put bread crumbs in Zuko's pants and proceeded to push him into a pound where he was brutally mauled by a horde of turtle-ducks.

Ty-lee was his favorite one out the group, she was always nice to him and wasn't afraid of him when he showed her what was beneath his mask. Wade felt that he should be the super-cool-gun-touting uncle that she never had. Despite all the affection between the two, this didn't mean she was given immunity from Wilson's jokes.

"I can't wait to spend the whole weekend at Ember Island" Ty-lee said "it's going to be great to hang out at the beach doing nothing"

"Doing nothing is a waste of time!" Zuko snapped "where being sent on a forced vacation, I feel like a child"

"Aw lighten up Zuko old buddy" Deadpool reassured as he put an arm around the prince "this vacation might relieve you of all that post-avatar killing stress you have"

"How can you be so happy?" the fire-bender asked coldly as he pushed the mercenary off him "my farther only sent you here to keep you from destroying more of the palace!"

"Is this about the whole 'blowing up the west wing thing' again?" the motor mouth questioned "I said I was sorry, besides it's not like anyone lived in there anyway"

"My bedroom was in the west wing! "The prince shouted

"Meh, it needed to be remolded" Wade causally answered

Zuko's only response to this was grabbing Deadpool by the wrist and tossing him off the boat.

"Your only hurting yourself Zuzu!" Wilson called out to the boat

"You know he's just going to teleport back here" Mai informed her boyfriend

"I know" he said "but it made me feel a little better"

….

"Wow, what a dump!" Deadpool blurted out as he looked at the beach house from the boat "haven't you guys ever guys ever heard of repainting? Or did your family get a time share here and just forgot about it?"

Before Azula could answer her bodyguard, Lou and Lei approached the group.

"Welcome to Ember Island kids "they greeted in unison

The merc with a mouth suddenly knocked the kids out of his way and kissed both the elderly women's hands.

"I don't believe it! Bea Arthur clones! "He cried out "This isn't an island, its heaven! "

"Wade…" was all Azula had to say for the mercenary to stop what he was doing

"Let us take you to your house" the women offered

"Race you guys up there!" the merc shouted "by the way, emo-douche bag-named-Zuko-who-pushed-the-super-cool-merc-off-of-the-boat-gets-hit-in-the-nuts-by-Deadpool-say-what?"

"What?"

The second after Zuko said that word, Wilson punched the boy right in the groin before teleporting away to the beach house.

….

Once the kids got finally got to the beach house, they found Wade already unpacking all of the weapons he had brought with him. His gear consisted of his swords, a pair of Desert Eagle pistols, an M16, a pair of Sais, a few shurikens, a few frag, smoke and flash-bag grenades, an RPG and eighteen pounds of C4.

"Gee Deadpool; you didn't bring a lot of stuff with you like you usually do "Ty-lee commented "why didn't you pack more?"

"Because the author thought it would be overkill to bring all my guns with me to an episode remake" the merc replied "like that's even possible!"

The circus girl ignored what her friend said and noticed a picture on the wall of two women.

"Who are these to beautiful women?" she asked groups guides

"Can't you tell?" Lei began "it's Lou (Lei) and me"

Zuko covered his mouth to keep him from vomiting while Wade on the other hand, made a perverted smile under his mask.

"Oh, I just love the sea shell bedspread" Ty-lee commented as she claimed on the bed

"Ty-lee, you're attention span is-hey look a turtle shell! " Deadpool exclaimed when he spotted the item

"It looks like the beach threw up on it" Mai commented

"No this would be the bed if the beach threw up on it" Wade replied before teleported out of the beach house

A few seconds later the gunman returned with a had full of shell's and crabs in his arms which he then tossed unto the bed, luckily Ty-lee rolled off of the furniture before Wade proved his insane point.

"We know you are upset that you were force to come here his weekend" Lou said

"But Ember Island is a magical place" Lei continued where her sister left off "Just keep an open mi-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah whatever!" Deadpool interrupted "I don't know about the rest of you guys, but I'm going to the beach, you guys can stay here and listen to the Bea Arthur clones foreshadowing for the rest of the story for all I care, but I'm outta here!"

The Merc suddenly warped out of the room within a second with his pistols and swords strapped to him, leaving the kids with the old women's rather boring tale about the island.

….


	2. Part 2

Part 2

The People of Ember Island enjoyed the beach; there were people sunbathing and children playing in the sand. Everyone was happy until Deadpool and his friends showed up….

They made their presence known by destroying a child's sand castle. The kid's were terrified but not only the girl with a dark look on her face, but also the man in the red and black costume.

"Pwned!" Wade exclaimed in the kid's face before kicking sand at him "now beat it!"

The boy ran off screaming, allowing the fire nation royalty and their bodyguard to put there beach items down, Ty-Lee on the other hand wanted someone to 'help' her get her stuff. She played of her easy girl routine and got a guy she saw on the other end of the beach to help her.

"She makes it waaaaay to easy for them" Deadpool mentioned to Azula as they wacthed "Just like I taught her, I'm so proud of her!"

The princess merely grunted at her bodyguard's remark and lied down on her beach towel.

Meanwhile Zuko and Mai were under an umbrella, hiding away from the sun's rays. The prince of the Fire Nation then noticed a beautiful sea shell sitting next to him.

"Here" he said as he handed his girlfriend the shell

"Why would I want something like that?" Mai replied

"I thought you'd think it was pretty" Zuko defended "Don't girls like that stuff?"

"Maybe stupid girls" the knife-fighter scoffed

"Forget it!" the prince snapped as he threw the object aside

Unfortunately for the merc with a mouth, when Zuko threw the shell the trajectory of it sent it flying straight into his forehead.

"Ouch…" was all Wade groaned before the shell pulled out of his head by one of the boys trying to impress Ty-lee

Zuko then tried a second attempt at wooing his gloomy girlfriend by getting her an ice cream cone.

"I figured it was so hot out, I'd thought I'd get you something to cool you down" he explained as he gave her the ice cream cone

However the dairy product slid off of its cone and landed on Mai's thigh.

"Thanks, this is really…refreshing" she thanked sarcastically

"Zuko Fail!" Deadpool mocked as he teleported behind the couple, making Zuko drop the other ice cream on Mai's head out of surprising them

Before the Fire Nation prince and his lover could shoot a fireball at Wad's face or and gouge out his eyes, Azula approached the trio with a commanding look on her face.

"Hey beach bums, where going to play volleyball" she ordered before turning her attention to the acrobat "Ty-lee get over here now!"

Zuko stood up and with one swift movement, he threw his shirt off. As if on cue, a flock of birds above him and a group of girls fawned over his body. Needless to say, the merc with a mouth was jealous. He yanked off his all his clothing except for his mask to revel his deformed body and a pair of yellow ducky boxer shorts, however he didn't quit get the same reception from the general public.

"My eyes! My Eyes!"

"Someone please kill me!"

"My brain is melting!"

"Alright, alright I'm putting it back on!" The mercenary shouted as he threw his costume back on "God you people are worse than Mel Gibson on a sobriety test"

….

The game was intense, but the kids were losing due to Wade's psychotic need to shoot the ball out of the air thus focusing the kids to find a new ball every two minutes. During the final round Azula huddled up her friends to discuss a new stagey she thought up.

"See that girl with the pig tails…" She pointed out

"Don't worry Azula I'm way ahead of you" Deapool cut in before the princess could finish her sentence

Wade pulled out his pistol and shot the girl's leg off at the knee cap. Everyone, even the bodyguard's friends were stunned at his actions.

"What the hell is wrong with you Wade?" Zuko exclaimed

"What? I'll just plant a knife on her and say she was going to attack you" the merc answered

"I actually think it was a clever move" Azula mentioned

"See, the crazy bitch agrees with me" Wilson added

Just then two boys walked up to the group, both of whom had their eyes on Mai and Ty-Lee.

"I'm having a party tonight" one of the boys informed to the acrobat "You should come"

"Great, I love parties!" Ty-Lee answered with a smile

"You can bring your friend to" the other boy said as he looked at Mai

The firelord's children overheard the conversation and were not pleased that they were not speaking to them.

"Aren't you going to invite my brother, myself and our bodyguard?" the fire nation princess asked

"Why should we?" one of boys replied sharply

"You don't know who we are, do you?" Azula asked, lifting an eyebrow

"Don't you know who we are?" the first boy answered "We're Chan and Ron-Jon"

"Really, because I thought your names were tool and douche-bag" Wade remarked

The two morons noticed the damage the bodyguard did to the girl and knew better then to upset him.

"Ok you guys can come to" Chan told them "But just so you know some of the most important kids in the Fire Nation are coming to this party so try not to make us look bad"

"We'll do our best" Azula answered with a sinister grin

….

Later that day, the kids went back to the beach house and gathered around a table full of sushi.

"Why didn't you tell them who we were?" Ty-Lee asked Azula

"I don't know" she replied "I guess I just wanted to see what would happen if we weren't treated like royalty"

"I wish you did tell those jack-offs who you were" Deadpool quipped as he slipped a piece of sushi under his mask and ate it "It would've made the story's plot a bit more interesting"

"Like ocean waves-"Lou and Lei tried to advise before Wade put his pistol's to their heads

"Bea Arthur clones are meant to be seen, not heard" he warned "Now kiddies onward to the party which be chronicled in the next chapter of the story!"


End file.
